By Cameron Strawhacker
| As numbers of youth football players continue to drop, you can’t help but take into account the effect injuries have on football in today’s world. This has caused a popular debate whether we should stop watching football because it is too dangerous. Although there are many arguments for both sides, when faced with the logic of it, there is an obvious answer. No, we should not stop watching football simply because of the dangers it poses. There are plenty more dangerous sports that are still aired and watched by millions of fans. For example, studies show that up to 50% of combat fighters suffer from chronic brain injury. Now you may say well obviously mma and boxing are going to have high injury rates. Let’s look at youth girls hockey- where the rate of concussions are nearly double that of football. Another reason people shouldn’t stop watching is the tradition and lifestyle many have built upon it. As an 18 year old who has played football for the past 6 years, and watched and been at games for as long as I can remember I couldn’t imagine not being allowed to watch the sport anymore. This is reality for over 145 million unique fans who watch college football every year. This number doesn’t even take into account those who also watch the NFL. |
Category 1: IDEA DEVELOPMENT
* The column adequately develops a position and has a main idea with a focused topic, opinion and reasons for the opinion.
* Columnist states the claim early or strategically in the conclusion..
* The column uses at least two types of evidence to back up its reasons, and all reasons are supported with evidence.
* Provides integrated textual evidence with proper acknowledgement of information.
PRAISE: I REALLY LIKE HOW YOU QUICKLY DEVELOPED AN ARGUMENT AND IDEA AND YOU STUCK WITH IT BRILLIANTLY THROUGHOUT THE PAPER. YOU HAVE NUMEROUS PIECES OF EVIDENCE, GOOD JOB.
Category 2: ORGANIZATION
* The persuasive column includes a main opinion at the beginning and a call to action at the end.
* It includes transitions that connect ideas, though they may be formulaic or predictable.
* Writer consistently separates ideas into distinct paragraphs.
* Includes a headline that connects to the main idea.
SUGGESTION: YOU COULD . . . . CONSIDER INCLUDING THE READER WITH SOME SORT OF CALL TO ACTION IN THE END. POSSIBLY THROUGH EXPLAINING WHAT THE READER CAN DO TO CHANGE YOUR ISSUE.
Category 3: STYLE
* Uses a tone that supports purpose and audience.
* Writer relates to, connects with, and appeals to their audience with ethos, pathos, and logos.
* Writer crafts persuasion with effective and appropriate rhetorical strategies (antithesis, rhetorical question, repetition, parallelism, juxtaposition).
* Grammar and mechanics are generally free from errors.
PRAISE: I LIKE HOW YOU USED PATHOS, YOU DID A GREAT JOB OF APPEALING TO THE EMOTIONAL CONNECTION SOME READERS MAY HAVE TO FOOTBALL. I ALSO LIKED HOW YOU USED RHETORICAL QUESTIONS TO ALLOW THE READER TO THINK FOR THEMSELVES.